


Undisclosed Truth

by Leya



Category: Gravitation
Genre: Angst, M/M, Non Consensual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-27 22:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/666996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leya/pseuds/Leya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eiri's being a coward the moment Tohma needs him the most...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undisclosed Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the June challenge 2010 at tohma_love.
> 
> Unbeta'd.

'All that's missing is some fog and one or two ghosts', Eiri mused as he watched twilight descend upon the small park while the sun slowly vanished behind the trees at the far end of the lawn.

The novelist was standing under the old oak tree where Sensai always used to wait for him. It was so long ago but he remembered it as if it had been yesterday. Just to see this man had meant everything to him. Yuki had been the centre of his world.

Shaking his head in disbelief upon his former naivity Eiri took one last drag from his cigarette before he threw the still gleaming stub away and waited until it diminished and finally died out. Time to go home.

The stillness of the beginning night surrounded him, muffling the sounds of the traffic to a soft murmuring. These were the moments Eiri enjoyed most. Bit by bit the loud and hectic hours of day were replaced by the quiet and stillness of night – something Eiri tried to relish as often as possible without being disturbed. It were moments like this when he felt completely at ease with himself, reconciled with his past and finally able to move on.

His decision had been nothing if not difficult but for the first time in his life he knew exactly what he wanted. He wanted a future free from the shadow of a dead man suffocating him with the constant reminder of his dreadful past, wanted a bright and happy future to share with Shuichi – and he finally was more than ready to put his plan into action.

„Here you are.“

The soft voice of his brother-in-law interrupted his line of thought and for a short moment the novelist fought hard to stifle an unnerved groan. Leave it to Tohma to choose exactly this particular moment to show up when Eiri decided to leave the past behind and cut the ties binding him to his former life. It was pure coincidence but it made it a hell of a lot harder for Eiri to stick by his decision to free himself of his past and find true happiness with Shuichi – the first partner he loved more than life itself.

When he looked up Tohma had already crossed the green separating them, carefully avoiding several small puddles of water the previous rain had left on the now muddy ground. The curious and expecting smile gracing the musician's lips was almost too much for Eiri to bear.

“What are you doing out here?”

„I needed some time alone.“ It came out harder than he expected and Eiri instantly regretted his harsh tone when he saw how much his evident hostility had hurt the keyboardist. The change in Tohmas smile was almost unrecognisable but they knew each other so well that it was easy for the novelist to notice.

The dejected look on Tohma's face made Eiri's heartbeat speeding up. He knew what would happen next.

One look in Tohma's eyes, so full of barely hidden pain and self-reproach and Eiri would allow himself to be dragged back into this terrible web of guilt and dependency the older male wove around him for years.

Why did he always end up being patronized by his brother-in-law? Accompanied by the certainty that he always ended up doing exactly what Tohma wanted him to do despite all his efforts to free himself, Eiri suddenly experienced the old familiar feeling of resignation – although he up to now believed himself to be above that.

It was definitely time to face the truth. All his wonderful plans of being free and independent were nothing more than a lie. It was Tohma who ran the show. Always had. It would be better to give up right now.

'I'm doing it again.', Eiri scolded himself for falling right back into the behavioural patterns he took up the night Sensei died.

He really needed to stop being so childish. But it was so damn easy to place the burden of responsibility on Tohma's shoulders, to hide behind the musician and let him take care of every problem that possibly emerged.

But his goals in life were different now. He wanted to erase everything reminding him of his past, including the power Tohma held over him and his decisions. From now on it would be him deciding over his life and – most importantly – protecting the ones he loved.

The days of blaming Tohma every time something in his life went wrong were definitely over.

„I can leave.“ Tohma offered with only a slight hint of disappointment tinting his voice and again Eiri couldn't help but feel a little guilty. It irritated the hell out of him.

„You interrupted me so the damage's already done. Stay if you want, I don't care.”

“Thank you, Eiri-san.” Tohma answered in a low voice, eyes submissively cast down – a pitiable picture of bad conscience and utter misery.

Now Eiri really felt like an ass.

It seemed as if it would take longer to adjust to his new role than he thought. Being honest with himself Eiri had to admit that his nearly aggressive dislike was completely uncalled for. Tohma just kept an eye on him because he was worried. He had tried to protect Eiri for so long now that neither of them knew how to break free of their respective roles – with Tohma over-solicitous, full of worry and fear, pestering him to take care of himself and Eiri behaving like a obnoxious, rebellious child.

'Today everything will change', Eiri promised himself. It was time to let go of their unhealthy relationship and concentrate on his future with Shuichi.

„I'm sorry I have been so rude. Stay if you want. I don't mind.“

Tohma beamed at him and once more Eiri felt overwhelmed how easily the musician manipulated him into reacting the way he wanted him to. Quickly the novelist suppressed his renewed anger and decided to take the bull by the horns.

“Actually I'm glad you're here now, Tohma. There is something I have to tell you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.”

“Well?” Tohma tilted his head to one side and watched his brother-in-law curiously. It was painfully obvious that Eiri was struggling to find the right words.

“There are some things we have to discuss, Tohma.” The novelist finally gave up his attempts to find the perfect way for breaking the news to the keyboardist and without warning he blurted out: “Shuichi and I... it's the right thing between us. We are just... perfect.”

Tohma said nothing and Eiri rambled on. „You know I'm finally happy. Shuichi is what I needed, Tohma. He's the salvation I always was looking for. I'm finally free from the past and ready to move on.“

„That's great, Eiri.“ Again Tohma looked down, this time to repress the tears burning in his eyes. All this time he wanted to be the one to save Eiri and now a pink-haired brat was all it needed. It was a hard lesson to learn for the keyboardist and even harder to acknowledge the truth but he had never been good at lying to himself and he wouldn't start now.

Eiri seemed to sense that what was going on in the head of his brother-in-law and tried to soothe him, although it turned out to be a lot harder than he expected it to be.

“I just hope that one day I will be able to repay you your kindness, Tohma. You were always there, always by my side. Without you I would have killed myself the moment I realised Yuki was truly dead. It was your help and understanding which brought me back and gave me a future but it was Shuichi who saved my soul and showed me that the past ist just that: the past.“

„I'm glad you managed to move on with your life.“ Tohma still wasn't able to smile but his voice sounded well-balanced, a little accepting even, and Eiri immediately felt better.

“I am, too. And I really hope you believe me when I say that from now on I'm the one to protect you for a change. Whenever you need me, just call and I'll be there. I owe you so much I'm sure I'll never be able to get even.”

A ghostly smile graced Tohma's lips and Eiri realised that his brother-in-law certainly heard every word he said but obviously he didn't believe it. Time would tell if their relationship survived this rather incisive change.

Determined to ensure the other male of his genuine intentions Eiri allowed himself to freely answer Tohma's gaze for the first time since they met. „Don't look so sad, big brother. I might love Shuichi but I care for you, too.“

This time Tohma managed a real smile, radiant and somehow content, and once again Eiri marvelled over the fact how seldom Tohma seemed to be truly happy. Whenever he saw Tohma's smile, the real one not the fake plasticine grin he choose to present the world most of the time, Eiri berated himself for pushing Tohma away and hurting him with his rejection over and over again. Of course Tohma tried to interfere with his life but just because Eiri allowed him to do so.

The novelist smiled. Instead of treating him like dirt he would treat Tohma like the good friend he always had been. It was amazing how much just one friendly word was enough to make Tohma happy. He just needed to let go of his childish aggression whenever the keyboardist was concerned and everything would be alright.

For the first time in a long time Eiri had the feeling of sharing a perfect moment of understanding and comradeship with his brother-in-law. Embarrassed by this unusual emotions he put his hands in his pockets and told the keyboardist that he wanted to go home.

On their way through the park Tohma was conspicuously silent. It was hard for him to keep upright the mask of acceptance he quickly hid behind the moment Eiri told him about his plans and hurt him more than he ever had before.

Although Eiri told him that it was he who saved him Tohma held no illusions. Eiri didn't need him, maybe never had. The novelist just tried to placate his hurt ego and reconcile him with the truth. It hurt that he had to accept it. But as long as Eiri was happy everything...

„Hey, pretty!“ A loud shout accompanied by a sharp whistle interrupted the silence between them and startled both men into paying attention.

Involuntarily Eiri slowed down but Tohma grabbed his elbow and pushed him forward. „Don't stop, Eiri-san. When necessary, run. Don't look back.“

“What are you talking about?” The writer felt like a child again, protected by this man who always seemed to be at his side to keep him out of harms way.

“Don't ask. Move!” Again Tohma pushed him towards the exit of the park but it was too late. Whatever the musician had tried to achieve turned out to be futile the moment several shadow-like figures emerged out of the darkness, surrounding them in a restricting circle.

Tohma watched the dark-clad men circling around them carefully, unconsciously trying to place himself between Eiri and a possible threat but the writer managed to quickly ruin his attempts by moving forward and soon they couldn’t move at all, standing side by side in the middle of a group of five hard looking thugs with Tohma slightly covered by Eiri’s larger frame.

„My, my, look at what we have here.” One man stated tauntingly. The others respectfully made way for him, their reacting confirming his leadership. „Isn't it a beautiful night for a walk in the park?“

His friends laughed and nodded, their voices full of hate and aggression and Eiri involuntarily took a step back just to bump into his friend. Tohma steadied him with a quick touch to his elbow, leaving his hand there, unconsciously soothing him.

The leader suddenly raised his hand. Silence fell over the small group and then he suddenly stepped forward, only stopping, when Tohma reacted without thinking and stepped forward, placing himself between Eiri and the possible danger.

The novelist exhaled slowly never realising that he actually held his breath until now. In a small corner of his heart he felt protected and secure like he always did when Tohma was around. With the feeling of security came the certainty that they would come out of this unharmed. He was sure of it. Somehow Tohma would make everything alright.

The man watched them out of calculating eyes before a cruel grin curled his lips. „Oh, look at them. Aren’t they cute? Pretty tries to protect his boyfriend!“

„What do you want?!“

Tohma seemed to be absolutely unimpressed by the danger they both were in but Eiri saw the undisguised malice in the dark eyes of their aggressor and suddenly the uneasy feeling in his gut intensified.

„You really have a big mouth on you, pretty.“ Without warning the leader stepped in front of Tohma and grabbed his chin in a hard and unrelenting grip. „Look at those eyes. I’ve never such a green before. Such a pretty little thing like you really should by put in his place.“

„Don't touch me!“ Tohma swatted his hand aside and took a step back. „You want our money so take it and leave us alone.“

„Oh, don't worry. We'll take your money – and maybe a little more...“

Within seconds the whole situation took a turn for the worse.

Without warning innumerable hands were dragging him back, forcing him to leave Tohma on his own. Eiri tried to scream, tried to warn his brother-in-law but it was too late.

_Blood..._

A shocked scream echoed through the deserted park, followed by cruel laughter and jeering voices, voices he had heard echoing in his dreams, calling him coldblooded murderer or worse.

_...dripping from my hands..._

Eiri pressed his hands over his ears to close off the pitiable screams emitting from Tohma, his voice so raw and frightened it was almost unrecognisable.

_...red stains on white skin..._

„You don't mind sharing, do you?“

Cruel laughter raised up and Eiri half-heartedly tried to free himself. Didn't he say just a couple of minutes ago that he was finally free of his past? Ready to move on and protect the ones he loved? How could he have been such a arrogant fool?

_...you killed me, Eiri..._

The author closed his eyes but wasn't able to block out the vindictive voice of his former teacher and suddenly he was a small boy again, confronted with the worst horror of his life. Unable to move, unable to change destiny, completely and utterly helpless...

_...everything you touch is sentenced to turn to dust..._

A hard, calloused hand grabbed his neck and forced his head around, condemning him to take part in his worst nightmare.

_...you are such a self-righteous liar..._

The men were running away, their laughter still filling the air and all Eiri could do was to stare, before he took one step forward, two...

_...time to face what you have done, boy..._

He should have known better than to think Kitazawa would ever let him go. There was still so much sins for him to pay for...

Teary green eyes met his, their trust betrayed, their innocence shattered.

Eiri felt a violent shiver running down his spine. Tohma's once pale and perfect body now was a bloody, beaten mess, a shivering heap of brokenness and hurt.

_...just look..._

Forever tainted purity. Just like him. In this moment he realised that he never would be free.

“Eiri...”

His blood was pounding in his ears, a steady rhythm accompanied by his frantic heartbeats. It was too much. He couldn't bear it. Not again.

„Eiri...please, help me...“

_...couldn't..._

“You promised...

_Just...too much..._

Yuki Eiri turned around and ran.

 

END


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